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So, you like your girls bruised and wilting? Well, look no further: All About Ass 7 will satisfy the most malevolent hardcore ass-crasher around. I’m giving this one 4 stars. That’s one star per scene. Had a five scene been added to this movie, well, do the maf.

Expect nothing artsy, romantic or sexy in All About Ass. The only engaging activity to be found here is asses getting ripped into little purple pieces by big ol’ cocks. It’s the old fashion way! First up: Jessica.

For most of the scene I was positive that she was retarded. As in Depends and a pity job at McDonalds. Turns out she’s just foreign. A faceless dude gives her ass a solid cylinder of hurt and in-between pummelings, Jessica gives that dick some blowjobbing. She’s pretty happy about this. Her ass can’t taste THAT good.

Second is Shannon, another fringe B girl. Another boring hotel room. Shannon’s enthusiasm quickly desolves when, after “foreplay” (AKA some skullfucking), that dick rips right into her ass. “Am I gonna break yer ass today,” the man asks. Shannon wimpers, “I think so.” She’s right. That’s one ragged, gaping asshole after the dude sticks six fingers in there. Poor Shannon’s going to be shitting rivers for awhile. The third hooker is blonde Kathy Anderson, unremarkable save for her too-big tits and tendancy to gawk at the camera in her attempts to act like a real pornstar. She accomodates the dick well enough which makes sense as she’s lumpy and foriegn.

And lastly Aussie Jodi Moore takes on two guys. She’s silly but finally shuts up when 5 pounds of penis gets wedged between her teeth. Then she gets DP hammered into next week. I mean: mercilessly hammered. But she’s so dumb that you don’t feel bad for her. It’s kind of like watching two meatheads poke holes in a styrofoam cooler with their dicks.

So: good and hardcore if you’re up to it. Only four scenes, but it is 90 minutes which is as long as many 5 or 6 scened movies.

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