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I didn’t sit down to review this movie, I sat down to masturbate. But from the opening music on the first scene of this multi-scene compilation, I knew there would be no chicken choking for me this night. There were just too many things for me to write down so I wouldn’t forget them later.

I present to you now, a transcribed version of my notes…

Music on the first scene is almost directly stolen from the castle levels of Super Mario Brothers.
the dildo on the steering wheel handles of the boat are is a nice touch. She was steering with her twaaaaaat. That is funny.
The virtual sex scene with a pair of 1980s black women and Carmax smeared around the lens so we know it’s “virtual sex” had bad effects.
Mature on teen. I’d rather punch myself in the balls than watch this scene again. Something about seeing someone who looks that much like your mother in law naked always brings that mood of mine to surface.
There is a good scene with black on white with a dildo.
There is an awful interracial lesbian couple who’s fight about something turns into a sodomite romp in the sack (with no sac to be found).
Why is there plot in a greatest hits movie?
Double white trash dildo festival. (I liked it)
Denise Richards owns a plaid duck with a strap on cock strapped to his back. Why?
Sean Penn watches horrible ’80s chicks do it.
Chick greases up with baby oil by the pool. Baby oil for the baby hole.
A Madonna wannabe (herein after referred to as a “Madonnabe”) and a dippy foreign girl have a loooooooooooong interview.
The Madonnabe is a bit fat.
Ashley Judd as a nurse in a car with a lesbian.
There is a 69 by the fire. A dildo magically appears, but neither girl gets burned.
The real star of the fire scene is the man in the background with an axe who won’t shut the fuck up and who pretends that the axe handle is his masturbating dick.
Some of the women in this movie are Road Warriors.

Now you know what I was thinking about while I could have been masturbating. Get this movie if you want to think these things instead of or while masturbating. I’m gonna give it 3 stars anyway because of the sheer volume of pornography on this DVD.

Oh, but it’s not really amateur. Maybe one scene (the Madonnabe one), but it’s mostly just clips from old smut.

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