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Umm, I should say at the top here that this review was originally on my own sex n’ roll site, Bad Girl City (.com). This ain’t a plug or nothin’, but since I already reviewed it, I figured, what the hell. I’m not gonna live forever, ya know. As a postscript, I will mention that the publicity dude at Evolution Erotica sez that HE doesn’t know what it means, either. Ok?

With the soundtrack playing backwards (!), Black Angel Falls opens with some dude named Garrison strapped to a table, waking up from electroshock therapy (or something) to find Brit titbomb Alicia Rhodes and Latina neck tattoo girl Miss Arroyo (Don’t look at the fuckin’ camera, Arroyo!) dressed in flimsy negligees and sucking his dick.

If this is torture, then keep it coming, Jack. Anyways, a nasty fuck n’ suck, with lotsa anal, salad tossing, ass to mouth, and other dirty moves, ensues; and it’s all shot in sickly green with splashes of neon pink, like some groovy, bargain basement creature-feature flick. And maybe it is, who knows?

In the next scene, the self-same cat is at “Vic Torment’s Safe House” with Ashley Blue and some other dude, and his arm’s got a nasty gash (so nasty they show it twice, in close-up). “How did you get that, anyway?” Ashley asks, and the fucker flashes back to last scene’s assorama, which ends, this time, not with the ritual splattering of man-goo, but with the two chicks biting into his arm like porno cannibal girls. And hey, does anybody else see Ariana Jollee standing in that hazy doorway? No? Must be a ghost. This is some fucked-up skinflick, Jack.

Ghost or not, Jollee’s deep-throating and getting dick-whipped in the very next scene, but it appears to be some kinda sci-fi psychic reading from Jasmine Lynn, who’s wearing a headset and channeling alternate dimensions. Then Ashley dreams (?) about making out with Ariana, before taking on one o’ the elite crack force of whatever they are. An amazing messy blowjob and cowgirl anal scene ensues, but brothers and sisters, I implore you- will somebody tell me what the fuck is going on here?

Tiny-titted beauty Jasmine slips out of her sexy pin-striped suit (and dimension traveling headset) for an unbelievably hot, manic three-way, complete with a 4-fingered anal assault, and then, believe it or not, the whole goddamn plot gets explained. It’s a labyrinthine mish-mash of mind control and voodoo conspiracy, but unless yer half in the bag, if you pay close attention, it actually ALMOST makes sense- AND it doesn’t get in the way of a final, righteous ass-boning of both Ashley Blue and Ariana Jollee. Amazing.

Things make a LOT more sense when you realize that there’s two versions of this movie- the less sex-intensive, plot-filled “theatrical version” (included here as a bonus disc), for, I dunno, couples or pussies or the SciFi Channel, maybe; and the ass-blasting one for cats like you and I. You know what that is? That’s fuckin’ genius, Jack. Sellin’ ass from every angle, for every audience. And even burnt-out ex-hipster types like me are impressed, cuz the whole thing looks like a sexed-up version of Astro Zombies. Far fucking out. Obviously, a lot more thought and care (and drugs) went into this one than the usual ol’ in-n’-out jazz, and it shows. Charley Crow, I salute you, ya weird motherfucker.

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