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Boogie Nights screamed for a porno adaptation. Hell, the original production should have been shot in R and X versions. Someone could have made a great porno movie out of the Dirk Diggler story. Unfortunately, Ramhead didn’t. Boogie Knights is a frustrating tease that shows some inspired moments, only to be dragged down by poor camera work, wretched editing, crappy film noir voice-overs, awful ’80s style bubblegum metal, and inexplicable plot detours.

There are some clever moments in Boogie Knights. Substituting jelly bean addiction for cocaine was cute and could have been played far more effectively. Ron Jeremy’s cameo as a bean-head was genuinely funny, although the sex scene was a wash due to poor lighting. The best scenes in Boogie Knights feature Phoenixxx Blaque, who brings a natural sluttishness to Rollergirl. Her first scene with Marc Rhodes as Dick Wriggler shows that this video could have been a nice, lighthearted parody. Blaque’s first line is, "You’re out of cucumbers," as she emerges from director Buddy’s kitchen. Rhodes and Blaque get it on with a fair amount of heat, but amateur camera work puts out any fire. Why focus on Rollergirl’s spinning wheels and leave the hot humping out of focus in the background?

The biggest travesty is a wasted 20 minutes given over to a lame Smoky and the Bandit parody. Why, why, why dredge up that flick when you’re doing Boogie Nights? If you want to use Sasha Gabor so much, rewrite the Buddy character as an insatiable fuck monkey. It would have worked. This Bandit stuff just got in the way.

It would have taken very little to make this a good video instead of a piece of junk. The producers had the talent, they had a few good ideas and a passable Burt Reynolds lookalike. All they needed to do was put a little effort into making a video that held together. Unfortunately, Boogie Knights is proof that it takes more than a video camera, some sluts and some studs to make a porno. (Ramhead, 6299 105th Ave, Pinellas Park Fl 33782)

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