Lesbian Videos:

You’d think you couldn’t go wrong with something called Lesbian Sex Fest. Well, you can and you will unless you heed the voice of the Rancho Cow. Rent it if you must but I doubt you’ll want to add this one to the permanent stack of XXX DVDs sitting pretty above your fireplace.

Despite the recent date of production, this title felt kind of old to me. I’d stake my glorious reputation that these girls are all European. They stage moan incessantly and when you get five of them onscreen at once (which happens in each of Sex Fest’s three scenes), the resulting cacophony of fake moans and groans is anything but erotic.

European women just try too damn hard. There’s probably not a single real orgasm on this DVD. It’s like store manniquins having sex.

It’s not all bad. I mean, Sex Fest has naked women sporting vaginas that range from Bushmaster Extreme to shaved and shorn. There are dildos. There’s the ubiquitous strap-on that the girl has to hold in place and even then it doesn’t work right. Each scene leads to all five girls piled up ontop of each other like a big fleshy interstate pile-up. Dildos protrude from bungholes and vaginas. There’s a lot of muff-diving and some 69ing and daisy-chaining. Sounds all good, right, but it’s not nearly as inviting as it sounds. It sounds annoying.

Every scene ends with the epitomy of Euro-dorkiness: all five of the girls in a row, their butts to the camera while five dildos going in and out to the melody of five sets of moans. It’s just silly.

No real extras to speak of on the DVD.

From the mouth of the Rancho Cow this one gets a 2. I’d give it the dreaded one but I still hold a soft-spot for lesbians in my heart, no matter how fake and silly they are.

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