Lesbian Videos:

With four out of it’s five scenes ending in DPs I really can’t give Private’s Love Me Deadly (from the Pirate video line) any less than a 3. But does it deserve any more Kleenexes than that? Probably not. Aren’t you glad I sit through all these movies before you do?

Love Me Deadly is divided into three mini-movies, not related but all equally crappy. Though it’s directed by a guy named Frank “The Master of Kink” Thring, there’s nothing remotely kinky in any of the scenes unless you count a couple of latex outfits.

The first movie’s got wild action: a car chasing two running men (why can’t it catch up?!), guns, and a diabolical criminal mastermind in a wheelchair! And to complete the atmosphere all the dialogue is in Arnold Schartzenegger style English! Wow! Agent 007 gets tied up and then gets a hummer from Vanda while strapped to a chair. I mean, what else are you going to do to your prisoners but suck their penises? Vanda and her Hungarian castmates are decent looking – not perfect, but you won’t shudder when you see their faces. Meanwhile, Natasha takes it in the ass and pussy from two of the evil henchmen. Everyone fucks like brainless insects until Natasha gets DP’ed and then slimed into next week by two dicks that just don’t stop coming. And that’s movie one. OK sex but nothing else.

Movie 2 is called “House of Surprises.” There are no surprises. Latex skirted Nikky Andersson finds an easy three-way on the steps of a large house – luckily that stranded motorist joined right in or where would she be!? Anal, head fuckin’ and yupe, another DP that will remind you of a car engine’s pistons, back and forth, back and forth. Then Mina (Kristina?), Susy Q and a couple of dudes rail every which way on a bed. It’s sounds great in writing, but it’s all pretty uncreative on film. There’s zero passion and even the DP action is hoo-hum. But, one guy looks just like David Duchovy! Amazing! I almost included a scene shot with this review so you could see.

Movie 3,”The Thief and his Lady,” is like the previous vignettes in that there’s no discernible rhyme or reason to anything, but this one has some artsy black and white shots (Ooooo!) and the piano music lends a slightly more romantic atmosphere to the scenes. All that romantic garbage crashes on the rocks pretty quick though as red-headed Miralda takes a long dick in the ass after smoking a cigarette. Then a woman named Judit fucks three burglars (???) who are trying to break into her house. All her junkholes take a beating.

And that’s it. If loads of anal and DP sex made a perfect movie, this would be it, but the lame non-existent plots and passionless sex bring this one down a notch.

PORNSTARS LIKE IT BIG
There's no real teasing, the couple basically talks for a few minutes and then proceed to get naked and bang each others brains ...

HONEY, WE BLEW UP YOUR PUSSY 6
" Up-and-coming Latina Marquetta Jewel is first to perform, and her fat pussy gets way fatter under the vacuum. Petite Anna Pierceson is next, and ...

RICE ROCKETS
Then a nice surprise, for Jin's skinny frame he has a large cock ("like elephant"), and he spreads his legs for a thorough anal ...

PORNOLOGICAL 2
It's not long before Julie blasted moon-crater ass sees pile driver after pile driver. I guess you could say she lost the ...

RAWDITIONS
I look forward to Adam & Eve releases and this one didn't disappoint. "Rawditions" has seasoned pros breaking in the newbies..in one case here, ...