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There’s this line from Parker Posey’s Party Girl, where her Lebanese boyfriend accuses her of acting like sleeping with him was a vacation; an exotic diversion for her twat, with all the smells and sounds of traveling to a foreign locale, without ever leaving the bedroom. Watching My Sex Tour 2 fulfills the same guilty pleasure. Being the kind of guy who was never enough of an asshole to pick up a one night stand stateside, these jokers are living a dream, getting paid to travel, only if they can get laid in faraway places.

Different strokes, I guess. The girls they pick up are what we call pro-am, in the states, but the scenarios are made to look completely innocent, like asking for directions to the American consulate. Yeah right, and she got in your car to go back to your place and then fucked your two friends. Imagine that while you’re sitting in your living room watchng Sue Johanson’s Sex Talk at 2am that these guys are getting their freak on with some bird, across the pond in the light of day.

The movie starts off with these three guys driving through Pest in mid-winter, looking to get laid before they go back, wherever that is, probably Buda (across the river). To do that, these guys have to pick out a woman off the street and guess her body type, through her winter coat and scarf. Something tells me they might have had a sneak peek, like at a dance club the night before, or in a screen test session. If you can suspend your disbelief, that this is the first time these guys are talking with her, you can sprout a woody, knowing that she could leave at any moment, but chose to suck off and fuck two guys at once in their apartment. The two guys, built like muscle-bound fireplugs are decently good looking, but more importantly, they massage this girl’s arms, until she consents. She seems more concerned about the camera being in her face than about the fact that she is about to turn her shaved vagina over to two total strangers, without condoms. Once her mouth and vag have a dick in each one, all dignity and shyness go out the window. Once this slim, but perky b cupped dyed blonde gets double-teamed pooned and sucking, it’s your standard fuck and suck scene ending in a pop to her face.

The next scene finds these same guys picking up a tall brunette with some shopping bags and one guy is inviting her home to meat daddy. Meat Daddy likes her big c cups with the big puffies to play with so again, it’s two on one time and I think I saw her take on a DP. Big tall Hungarian girls must like DP’s, ‘cause she took to the offer much easier, like a choice between goulash and paprikash, which must be what you can smell in the hallway cooking on any given day in most Budapest apartments. A hot scene with anal is what’s for dinner, again not sure if this scene was a real pickup, but if you like Eastern European brunettes, she’s all you can ask for and more.

There are three more scenes, similar in feeling and scenario, with some very nice looking girls, who speak no English. Sho’ ‘nuff, they get shagged a bunch and thank their hosts in a way not resembling a Romance language, so who really knows what they are saying. Though they are probably saying: “OK, that was very nice. Now that you have soiled me and disgraced me and my family name, give me my 2000 Forints so I can pay some Magyar hitmen to blow up your Suzuki rental car, right outside the club we met in, for all my friends to see.” I’ll be happy just to watch the movie again and see if I recognize any lines I can use stateside, doing my best Latka Gravas impression, like: “I fuck you OK? This man watch you inside anus”

I gave this flick 3 kleenexes for being as entertaining as it is sexy, to travel to Budapest and get some foreign trim, without leaving the comforts of home, like those soft hotel towels and your big, American bottle of hand lotion.

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