Lesbian Videos:

Over 30 and Dirty was the first movie I requested for review at RanchoCarne, as it was the only one initially available. My friends and I had a good laugh over how bad it would seem I’d been runted. However, I can now say that bitches over thirty rock like crazy, and I was more than pleasantly surprised by the entirety of this DVD. For those of you out there who think I am misogynistic in my vernacular, I say bitches simply because it rolls off the tongue.

Much like semen. Off these bitches’ tongues. Luckily, there is a delightful montage of just that, for all you pop-shot craving perverts looking to get off quick. Also, the disc offers six different trailers, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and a bonus scene starring one Don Hollywood, who I believe is, in fact, the oldest and sleaziest geeze I’ve seen in a long while. In said scene he gets robbed by a ho and sticks it to her. Good for a laugh, but the best stuff isn’t always dubbed “bonus,” and sometimes the bonus can be pretty bogus.

So, back to the scene selection, which serves to split up this story-less tale of sex five times over. First things first, we see a credited (but undistinguished) baby-faced actor watching his best friend’s mom play pool (I wish I could tell you these guys’ names, but the producers evidently deemed it unnecessary to credit them by their personal images as they did with the actresses). Victoria Givens manages to sink a solid on the break, but the game doesn’t last because she is super horny. So the kid fucks her hard, and pounds her pink pussy on an even pinker patent-leather loveseat until he pulls out and blasts his load on her heavily made-up face. I guess he didn’t want to come on her insanely huge, goofy-looking fake titties (a phenomenon in the industry I cannot understand or justify). Is it just me, or do girls look way better with their natural breasts, regardless of size? Since when is bigger more attractive than proportional?

Nevermind, on to the next set of circumstances: Chelsey Zinn (spelled Chelsea on the box) is working out with her personal trainer, a hilarious and massive foreigner with awesome hair. They get to fuckin’ after a few minutes, and run the standard gamut of positions before the monster lets loose his thick seed. The funniest part of the whole movie is the look on this dude’s face whilst coming, but the scene also propagates the sad reality that this is a film where all the talent collectively refuse to take off their halter tops. I don’t get it, but it seems as though most of these women are self conscious of the inevitable paunch age brings to all.

Next up, there is some more-or-less throwaway action between Lexi Lamore and her male masturbatory replacement. It’s common fare and nothing special, but the following scene with Lisa Sparxxx (who I personally find pretty attractive) is the gem of the DVD. She fucks like the pro she is. I remember downloading clips of her to juice it to, but the clarity of the direct digital video is uncompromisingly good. Unfortunately, as I said before, Lisa doesn’t remove her shirt; and I don’t get to see her belly jiggle as she takes the cock up her shaved snatch.

The last scene is almost as good as number four, with Mandy Bright requesting the assistance of what I assume is a plumber. Typical. She stands over him and he literally buries his face upward into her wet hole, and they progressively get more dirty and positionally-varied until the fella follows suit and pops his shot on her face a la the previous four sets.

All told, this is a pretty solid entry. Not exceptional, nor without flaws, but certainly decent considering what’s out there.

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