Lesbian Videos:

And I quote:

“Hey…
Ho…
I got a dick for you to
Suck on!

Suck suckin’ and jivin’, she suck-suckin’ and jivin’.
Suck suckin’ and jivin’, she suck-suckin’ and jivin’.

Sucky, sucky, slurp, slurp!
Make dat dick work, work!
Bend that dick, jerk, jerk,
‘Til that dick squirt, squirt!”

Get it? It’s Suckin’ and Jivin’, the second-ever all-black porno I have thusly reviewed, following up the abhorrent Jelly 8 (also by Kick Ass Pictures).

It succeeds in some of the departments wrought with prior failure, but the movie just isn’t that good; and though the girls are attractive (for how the Lord made ‘em, natch), their lack of activity down in the dirty south ruined things at the famed Punzlif Workstation, where my bread (literally, but also penis) is usually buttered. Foremostly, the movie is a blowjob-fest; and it is important to note that there is NO FUCKING ALLOWED. Make your own myriad (of) jokes; in the meantime, I’m gonna go get a drink from the water fountain and use the restroom. I’ll get on with dissecting the project upon my return. BRB…

Okay, back. So anyway, the integrity of the mahogany has certainly risen a notch, and the star here is one Carmen Hayes, a cocoa-queen with enormous hooters and an insatiable appetite for dick and destruction (breaking down barriers like Jackie Robinson). I think she has apnea, though – she snores on the cock. Of course, there are other starlets on the disc, many of whom are new to me: Avalon, Persia, Unique La Sage, Skyy Black, and more; ten girls in all. But don’t let the variety fool you – remember, there is no sex to be had, and the scenes are all the same.

With the hilarious exception of one.

Scene four, featuring Miss Stacey Cash, made me laugh purt’ hard. In it, we see a “mountain man” – clothed only in a tattered top and loose, hanging briefs (with some gold bling embedded in the ear region) – running about the sunny desert and leaping rock formations in some fair county or other. Obviously, the self-effacing nature of the segment is poignant and comical; I love seeing black people make fun of themselves! Stacey is warned to be wary; but as the dual-stick-wielding native approaches, he clicks his tongue in ferocious African tribe-speak. It must have been compelling. She sucks him off.

But racism be damned! This is about explicit cock-eating hickory-dickery, and it succeeds in that small arena. Unfortunately, I can see more pussy in a real arena, peeking up skirts as people walk past, popcorn in hand, too distracted to notice my menacing glare. I think blow-jobs are cool and all, don’t get me wrong: but I need more from a pornographic experience. A LOT more.

The DVD itself is composed as most Kick Ass productions are, and their guarantee is in full effect. You even get a music video for that genius rap! The scenes play to the lyrical framework almost verbatim, and the song sums up the experience quite sufficiently:

You can appreciate the effort, but sometimes it still sucks. In this case, more than just dick.

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